piece of advice

from someone who knows me surprisingly well.

1. most guys will have a tendency to stray. how they combat the straying will depend on how much they love the person and to the extent to which they stray.
2. guys make impulsive decisions based on how they feel at that point of time, and a guy's ego will always say they must come out the better party.
3. guys know that they have a longer shelf life and seek to take advantage of that situation, that is unless they genuinely feel for the girl.
4. when someone better comes along, some guys always entertain the big "if".

i don't want you to be with him just because you try to change your everything to suit him. that will forever be handing back the balance of the relationship in his favour. as your friend, i don't think that is the case or should be the case. a relationship is not akin to taking a risk if you know that he is committed to you and will remain that way. after 3 years. ignoring the recent events.

i suspect deep down inside you you already have made a subconscious decision. that this is something you will never be able to put aside, and you look for mitigating factors on his part.

what you said is right. if he did it in downtime, i think that's normal. but as things were getting better. he always had the option to say no.

let me share something with you:-

the way i see love, from a guy's perspective, is that no matter what, it has to work for us. and let's say you are indeed who you are, if i truly love you, i would know it and i would accept it and accept you as a person. otherwise, most guys should just get a pre-fabricated love doll specifically made to their whims and fancies.

true love i feel is always accepting the other party for the love they give you, and for all their other imperfections as they tolerate yours. what you're saying now is that because you have been the far from perfect companion, he has a reason to walk away from you. what i say is that you're not being fair to yourself. just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they aren't loving you the best they can. that is something you, and especially chris has to think about. if you want someone to love you in all idealism, i think we all have to wake up to the real world. you will change for someone if you genuinely love that person but you also need that person not to demand that change from you.

in want of both

i can't begin to describe the turmoil that you are putting me through. there are so many things i want to talk about, to try to understand. your confusion is agonising. i can't move back nor forth. while i wait, i don't know what i'm waiting for. how i should feel. if i should continue to feel. there was neither the reassurance nor the reaffirmation that i so desperately sought. instead, the blows just kept raining down. taking me by surprise. you can use my flaws and the past to justify your actions. you can discount my past and present effort. you can go for an unknown and give up on us. make a decision and let that be final.

whirlpool

i don't want to love you. i'm fighting the feeling - a weakness of the heart. i don't want to lead a life full of deceit, fear, insecurity and uncertainty. you've misplaced my trust. you've misplaced my heart. you no longer love me. not wholeheartedly anyway. i don't wish to share. i don't want to be a spare. i don't want to end up paranoid, suspicious and annoying. i don't want to be pesty, replaceable, forgettable, taken for granted... i don't want to feel this way.